Well Excuse Me For WALKING…

My building is full of long hallways, the kind that make passing people really awkward. Once you finally pass them, it normally involves some sort of small talk or greetings. Generally I can avoid this by looking at the ground and walking quickly. But today I was looking dead ahead…

As I passed one of our officers (someone I’m pretty sure I’ve never spoken to) he says to me, “Oh man, don’t mess with the Madame. “

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I literally stopped mid-step and just looked at him…

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The only thing that I could think to say in response was, “Yes, that is exactly the reputation that I want amongst the officers. Go tell all of your friends.”

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What just happened? Guess I must have had left my “Resting Bitch Face” on again…?

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I May Or May Not Be Easily Amuse…Butterfly?

It’s a Monday, and I’ve been in a super weird mood all day. Pretty sure it had something to do with the bizarre dream I had last night…I don’t why I haven’t learned to not watch shows like “Dexter”, right before bed. Anyways, I’ve only managed to complete one task today, and that’s because I let the copy machine do all of the work. What is it that I have managed to accomplish?

They go as follows:

  • Draw pictures on sticky notes, and plaster them all over other people’s computers. (They were all works of art. They should frame them, maybe they’ll be worth money someday)
  • playfully attach a lock to someone’s back pack, and only wonder if they know the combination after I shut the lock. (I’m awesome at flirting, or I would be if I was in 4th grade)
  • Refill my water bottle 7 times (Which also meant I escaped to the Ladies room several times, whoops)
  • Read and reread the directions for my new Pre-work out 50 times and wonder if it is going to make my heart explode (But seriously, I’m still terrified)
  • Think about food and wonder if the cute trainer is going to be at the gym today (He’s so dreamy)

Then I went on a search for office supplies, sticky notes to be exact. Wonder why I was running low on those?…And I discovered that the door on the supply closet squeaks. Now remember, I’m in a super weird mood and my bosses’ door is right in front of the supply closet…

Me: *giggles while repeatedly opening and shutting the squeaky door*

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 Boss #3: “Only you would find the humor in a squeaky door, weirdo.”

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He knows me so well, and accepts me for who I am. 

I Feel Like I’m In Elementary School All Over Again

No joke, I’ve been shot with rubber bands multiple times today by one of my co-workers.

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And every time I’ve tried to retaliate, I would epically miss hitting him. It has been rather embarrassing…

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So I finally got fed up, and decided to steal all of his ammo. I’m currently holding several rubber bands hostage at my desk…

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I win. 

 

Insert Foot In Mouth Moment… The Fourth One Today

So I’m in my bosses office working on some flight details, but my brain is just not having it today…

Boss #2: “yada, yada, yada”

Me: “Huh?”

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Boss #3: “Girl, wake up.”

Me: “I didn’t get any sleep last night.”

Boss #3: “Too much information!”

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Me: “No, not because of that. I was having nightmares…*mutters under breathe* …but I wish it was because of that.”

Boss #3: “Ahhhhhh…..toooooo much information……!!!! You’re batting for two and I’m leaving this conversation alone.”

Boss #2: “Huh? I zoned out, but I feel like I just missed something…why is she turning bright red?”

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Sometimes, I just need to learn when to keep my mouth shut.

And I Thought I Was Bad At Hitting On People

Maybe it’s just me, actually it probably is just me but… I really don’t understand why guys think it’s a good line to ask the girl in front of them in line to buy their food. Personally,  I don’t find it particularly charming and I never know how to respond to it. Especially when you are probably old enough to be my father, but I guess that’s what I get for just standing there minding my own business.

Guy behind me in line: “So, you want to buy my lunch for me?”

Me: *nervous laugh* “No, maybe next paycheck.”

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Guy behind me in line: “So, you’ve probably been working here long. What like 10 years?”

Me: “Nope…”

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Guy behind me in line: “Is that right?”

Me: “Yeah, 10 years ago I was 16 and in high school…”

*buy my own lunch, and strut away*

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This is why I wear my headphones everywhere…so I can avoid awkward conversations like that one.

…I Always End Up Just Unplugging ‘Em

I guess being a former graphic designer, means that I know all things computer?

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I say this because, the people in my office often come to me to troubleshoot their tech issues.

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I’m not really sure why. Because I just go to someone else for mine, and make this face…

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Or I just use this magical thing, called Google. Heard of it? *roll eyes*

But Seriously, What Was I Supposed To Say To That?

It’s pay-day, so I went to the omelette bar to get my “pay-day omelette” this morning…why do things keep happening when I go to get an omelette?

Sam the Omelette guy: “You ready for the weekend?”

Me: “Most certainly am! I get to go see my little cousins. I’m really excited.”

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Sam the Omelette guy: “I bet they’re excited too. I wish I was one of your cousins, cause I know I’d be excited to see you.”

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Me: “…ummm, so I’ve never met them before. So that’s exciting.”

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After that, he asked if I was married. The answer is an obvious “No” (no ring), but I may have made up a boyfriend…