There is no such thing as personal space when taking public transportation. There is only, the for the most part understood, “let’s make this commute to and from work as painless, least invasive, and comfortable as humanly possible”. But there are those who just don’t get, or just don’t care. You people, I loathe and would dearly love to spartan kick off of the bus. But because that will get me sent to jail, here are a few tips to not inspire death stares from your fellow passengers.
1) Don’t hang by the door and make people to have to force their way around you.
2) Don’t make small talk with your neighbor. The majority of us rather suffer through our commute, in silence.
3) Talking on your cell phone for an extended period…no, just no. I’ll be honest here, I do not give a damn about what you and your co-worker may or have not have done after Happy Hour last night…
4) Don’t be “that guy”. When you have an empty seat next to you, move the fuck over. Nobody wants have to stand, in traffic, being jarred by a bus, for an extended period of time if they don’t have to.
5) Why are you eating on any form of public transportation? No seriously, why? I recently saw a man “digging for gold” and then grab onto the hand rails on the metro. Chew on that.
6) They created head phones for a reason, so use them. Side note, you’re not and will never be Beyonce.
7) Close your legs. There should be enough room for two average sized adults on these benches, don’t make it awkward.
8) Can’t identify what that is on the ground? Don’t touch it…unless you’re drunk and have been vaccinated, then I triple dog dare you to lick it.
9) Cover your mouth when you sneeze, into the inside of your elbow. Please limit the spread of your germs in such close quarters.
10) Wearing a back pack or carrying bag while standing? For God’s sake, put it on the floor! I’d prefer that you didn’t break my nose with your knock off prada purse.
11) Lastly, I and everyone else on the bus will judge you if you don’t at least offer your seat to the elderly person or the pregnant lady.
Got any other public transporation “Don’ts”? Leave ’em in the comments.